You've Never Done WHAT?
by Satchi Claus
Summary: Sho and Kei find out, through a very embarassing mistake, that Son is a virgin in all means of the word. So, the two men set out to change it.


_**Note: **This idea was actually for something entirely different, but rereading the dialogue, I saw a Moon Child fic coming on. So I changed the names to suit the characters, sent it to a friend to see her reaction, and was promptly told "xDDDDDD MAKE THAT FIC. NAAAAO." Soooo, here it is. Enjoy._

Sho opened the door to the apartment he shared with his vampire lover, white trench coat dropping onto the arm of the couch as he stepped inside. Closing the door softly behind him, the sound of running water filled the silence. Confusion evident on the young man's face, he glanced at the clock on the wall. 4:30 in the afternoon. Wasn't it a little _early_ for his vampire to be up showering? He _usually_ slept until 5 when Sho had family matters to attend to. Shinji wasn't very successful on _his own, _after all. The human shrugged it off, suddenly getting a deliciously tempting idea.

He stripped off his clothes, not caring that he trailed them along the living room floor heading towards the bathroom. Kei could bitch at him for it later. Sho grinned. _If_ he cared after what _Sho_ had in mind. Opening the door, he stepped into the _far_ too steamy bathroom, wondering when the little blonde man started enjoying such _hot_ showers. He let the door shut without so much as a click, padding over to the shower curtain stealthily. _The vampire teaches the human to move like the dead...the human uses it against him to jump his bones whiles he showers._ Cheshire cat grin in place, he slowly peeled the curtain open and stepped in, arms immediately wrapping around the other's midsection. _Funny_, he didn't _remember_ Kei being this tall... One of his hands travelled down the front of his love until it reached his length and he began to massage it. The body in front of him tensed and he stopped abruptly. _This_ wasn't Kei's penis...meaning the man showering _in his home_ wasn't _Kei._

"Who the-_Sho?_" The familiar voice cried out, leaving Sho in too much shock to release his hold on Son's junk.

"Um...I was expecting..._Kei_...who I _was_ planning to have _hot steamy shower sex_ with...which is why _I'm_ holding _your_ junk..." He explained slowly, _still_ forgetting to let go.

"I haven't even _jerked off_ and you're flinging yourself at me? Get _off_ of me, Sho!" Son cried out, squirming free from the other's grasp and stumbling from the shower, escaping the bathroom and making a bee-line for the next available room: Kei's room.

Sho stared after his friend's naked ass with a horrified look on his face. The man had _never_ deployed his little soldiers? _Anywhere? Ever? _That _had to_ be a lie...or it _had to_ change! Sho tore off after him, _just_ as naked, _straight_ into the vampire's room.

"_What?_ You have _never_ _even used_ that thing? Then _get back here_ and let me _show you_ what it's for!" He cried out.

The _once_ sleeping vampire's eyes shot open, a _very_ unhappy groan escaping his lips. He sat up, half awake as a _very_ naked Son bolted into his room, covering his genitals and hiding in a corner. Not long after, an equally-as-naked Sho burst in, ranting about how the dark-haired male had yet to use his..._oh god, I'm dreaming...No, never mind. This isn't a dream...This is a fucking nightmare! _He flopped back down onto his bed, covering his face with the blanket. Wait, why the hell was Son even _there_ in the first place?

"Either I'm having one _hell _of a nightmare, or Sho is _very_ horny and _I_ no longer satisfy his needs...but _either_ way, I'm _still_ going to ask: what the_ hell _are you two doing _naked_ _in_ _my room_?" The grouchy vampire asked.

The look on Sho's face was priceless. _How dare that ungrateful undead bastard think he no longer satisfies me and that I would settle for Son!_ Though his thoughts were full of rants, his face resembled a kid dragged away from an all-you-can-eat ice cream and candy buffet. Those were not even _close_ to what was going on. Well...except for the part about Sho _really_ wanting to jump a certain cranky ass's bones...or..._one_ _bone_ in particular.

"He- I...Well I _had_ to shower _somewhere!_ Yi-Che has been in _ours_ for the past _two hours! _So...I thought I'd shower here since _you_ sleep all day and Sho was _supposed_ to be visiting Shinji." Son justified his breaking into their home with a firm nod.

"I _always_ get back at the same time. You'd know that if you _actually_ had asked _me_ and not the _sleeping dead_." Sho retorted, before turning to Kei. "_And_, seeing as _neither_ of us were expecting company, I thought I'd surprise you by joining you in the-"

"By having...what did you say in there? "Hot steamy shower sex", was it?...with Kei." Son interrupted, earning a jab in the side from Sho.

"_And_ you two decided to race in here naked _why?_" Kei lashed out, rubbing his forehead.

Before Sho could open his mouth, Son pounced. Kei raised an eyebrow as two- admittedly _delicious looking_- naked men practically wrestled on the floor. Son was trying desperately to keep his hands clamped over the other's mouth while Sho was desperately trying to shout out something. Kei licked his bottom lip and sighed. Unfortunately, as _much_ as he wished he could keep watching to see what ended up happening, he'd have to end it or he wouldn't get another moment of peace _allevening. _He sat up once more, arms resting on his knees, just as Sho got the upper hand and flung Son away from him.

"_Son hasn't ever played Whack-A-Pole, he's never choked the chicken, lumberjacked it, HE HAS NEVER MASTURBATED, LET ALONE HAD SEX!" _Sho cried out before the chance escaped him, and Son immediately began denying it.

"Ah, children, children...wait...Son, you _seriously_ have never jerked off? Dude, that _can't_ be healthy..." Kei said, the shock that Sho had had now infiltrating him.

Son's face was beet red and he prepared to stammer another denial. Sho crawled out from beneath him, perching himself on the edge of Kei's bed, ass wiggling onto it and taunting the blonde vampire. Said vampire glared at his human lover before jabbing him in said ass with his toe. Sho stuck his tongue out before the two turned their attention back to their flustered friend. He sat, legs crossed and hands covering himself as he fidgetted and fought to find a good excuse. Yet all he could come up with was a fairly lame response.

"S-So what?" His blush darkened and he glanced away, expecting peals of laughter thrown his way.

"So...let's_ fix_ that! We'll have a threesome!" Sho stated this as if it made _perfect _sense.

Kei and Son _both _slowly turned to face him, mouths hung open as what he said registered in their minds. Sho,_ Kei's_ _Sho,_ wanted to have a _threesome_ all because Sonwas _such_ a virgin even _his hand _hadn't seen any action from him? Kei opened his mouth but shut it again. He wanted to tell Sho to just shut it, but he _certainly_ wasn't getting back to bed and Sho's offer sounded _intriguing_ to say the least. Plus, the vampire was _pretty_ sure it was a one-time-deal sort of offer. Meanwhile, Son's face had taken on a shade of red _so_ vibrant it was previously unknown in the world.

"Ah, um...w-well...I don't think...um...I mean...I w-wouldn't even know where to...to begin." Son muttered.

"No problem. I'll guide you through it, telling you what you should do until you're absolutely comfortable with things..._then_ I'll join in." Sho offered a smile, though to Kei, it looked downright predatory.

"Sho, _you_ want to instruct someone on how to have sex...and _then _watch him do it _to me_?" Kei asked incredulously.

"Why not? He's _our friend._ He's in _serious_ need of some help if he _really_ hasn't been laid. _Ever. _He's _got_ to be clean, unless he was born with something that even _he_ doesn't know about, and I _doubt_ that's the case here. Besides, it won't hurt to changes things up a bit, will it?" Sho explained, and the two sat in silence a little longer before Kei turned his attention to Son.

"Well? How about it?" He asked, a little hesitantly.

Son mulled over the proposition a while longer. On one hand, he was being offered sex with a sexy vampire and his hot lover. On the other, _they were his friends._ And his _best_ friends at that. Would it make things awkward later? _Nah, they're just wanting to break me in and who better to trust the job to than themselves? Especially someone like Kei, who has GOT to have decades of experience under his belt._ A teeny smile crept onto his face and he nodded. Hell, what'd he _really_ have to lose..._besides _his virginity?

"Well, then come over here, crawl up into bed with me." Kei said, sounding slightly amused as he watched Son do as he was told.

"You know, your first little..._lesson_...should be seduction. Start at the bottom of Kei's shirt, unbutton it _one button at a time._ _Take your time_ with things, kissing _each_ little patch of skin you reveal until you get to the top. Branch out, kissing his collar bone and toying with his nipples a little." Sho tutored, earning a glare from his lover as he revealed one of the vampire's more sensitive spots.

Son glanced over at Sho nervously, receiving a nod from him. He leaned forward, preparing to unbutton the first button when Sho stopped him. He instructed him to _straddle_ the vampire as he did this. Glancing down intently on that _one_ button, he positioned himself on Kei's lap. Son licked his lips as he reached out, tugging the button free from the hole it had been stuck in. He leaned down, pressing his lips to the smooth skin of the vampire's stomach, feeling it quiver beneath his touch. He ran a hand slowly up to the next button, freeing it from its restraint. Son let his nose ghost up Kei's skin to the new section of revealed flesh, planting light kisses every here and there, drawing short gasps from the blonde.

The dark haired male continued this until _every _button was undone and the shirt fell open, revealing Kei's well-toned body. He let his tongue slide out, trailing over Kei's collar bones then down to a nipple, which he took delicately into his mouth. His tongue danced over and around it, making the vampire bite back a moan and shift beneath the human. Son let out a small gasp as he felt Kei's hips grind up against his backside, clothed erection jabbing him. A hesitant moan escaped him and he leaned back into it.

"Slide...the shirt off his...his shoulders...Oh _god_...and...kiss and nip from...from his shoulders...to his...neck...and lips...this is _so_ fucking hot..." Sho panted, eyes glued to the scene before him.

Son shot Sho a sexy yet somehow _innocent_ look, lips brushing across one of Kei's shoulders as he slid the shirt off one arm completely. He never looked away from his "instructor" as he let his teeth graze across the skin, feeling Kei shudder as a soft noise escaped him. Son pushed Kei down, pulling the shirt off the rest of the way as he did so, kissing and nipping his way up to the vampire's face. His tongue trailed along the outside of the blonde's lips, begging to be let in. The vampire complied, opening his mouth and letting Son's tongue slip inside to explore.

"Holy _fuck_, yes, _just_ like that. You...You're...doing _so good_." Sho almost moaned, mouth hanging half open. "N...Now...you should...you've got to...suck him..."

Son obeyed Sho's instructions, turning around and moving up so he was straddling Kei's chest but facing away from him. He slowly, _teasingly _leaned forward, ass in Kei's face and throbbing cock pressed between their bodies. He undid the vampire's pants, breath tickling his skin. Kei lifted his legs one at a time as Son removed them, leaving his knees bent enough so Sho could still see how Son was doing but so Son had better access to all of him. Sho had reached between his own legs, slowly stroking himself as he watched the two. Son gave Sho a look, asking to be told what he should do next.

"Aah, lick the head, let your t...tongue swirl _around_ it...suck it _lightly_...then _take it all_." Kei groaned lightly with satisfaction at hearing Sho tell Son to do all this.

Son dipped his head down, tongue flicking over the head of Kei's dripping cock, licking the pre-cum that _already_ oozed from the slit in it. He and Kei moaned simultaneously. Son let his tongue explore the tip of Kei's cock, moving down to wet the rest of the head and, _eventually_, the rest of the blonde's shaft. He sucked diligently, one hand moving to caress Kei's sac. Sho crept up into between Kei's spread legs, taking Son's fingers into his mouth and coating them in saliva. He guided them down to the vampire's entrance, helping him ease one inside the puckered hole. Kei moaned, head rolling back as he felt the intruding digit wiggle inside of him before slowly sliding in and out.

Once Son got used to this, knowing Kei didn't _need_ time to adjust since he wasn't new to it, he slipped a second finger in next to the first. The dark-haired male penetrated Kei with these fingers, spreading them apart to stretch Kei's hole. As he continued to suck and prepare the vampire, Sho shared a glance with said vampire. The blonde immediately reached under his pillow and grabbed a bottle of lube. He squirted some of the clear substance onto one hand, coating the fingers of the other hand with it. He nodded up to Sho, not _once_ being distracted from the pleasure he was receiving.

"Son...Sho is going to do the _same_ thing to you, that you're doing to him...He's going to prepare you." Sho explained. "Just _keep_ doing what you're doing."

Kei gently wormed one finger into Son's hole, taking his time so Son could get used to the feel of having something inside of him. Son tensed up briefly before relaxing, taking practically no time to get accustomed to the feel of Kei's finger in him. Kei added a second and eventually a third, ripping a moan from the other male, who started pushing back against the fingers prodding and stretching him. Sho bit his lip, moaning softly at the amazing sight before him. Pulling Son's hand away, he positioned himself between his lover's legs, the head of his cock pressed against the his loosened hole. Kei pulled his fingers out of Son as well, the two males helping Son position himself over Kei's length.

"Lower yourself onto it however you feel comfortable, take your time when you ride him, and don't forget to please yourself." Sho instructed steadily, having been able to regain some of his self control.

Son nodded, using Kei's knees to support himself as he slowly lowered himself onto the vampire's member. He gasped and stopped when the head pushed through the tight muscles, adjusting how he was so it felt more comfortable. Once he felt it was right, he impaled himself on the rest of the blonde's rigid appendage. He let out a cry of pleasure, letting his head fall back and a hand skate down his own body, wrapping around his own cock. He pumped himself slowly as he lifted and penetrated himself on Kei again, starting a steady rhythm. The blonde vampire let out a loud moan as Son's tight heat enveloped him and clenched, as his friend began riding him as a pleasant pace. Sho stopped a moan in his throat, needing to control himself or he'd be spent too soon.

Sho pushed into Kei, thrusting into the familiar passage and groaning with pleasure. The room was devoid of _all_ sounds _except_ those of lust: bodies slapping softly against each other, moans and sighs of pleasure, and panting from those trying to keep up with each other. Son continued to skewer himself as he stroked his leaking member. He shifted just right, causing Kei's length to prod his sweet spot, making him cry out and slam down again, hitting it repeatedly. Sho managed to find Kei's prostate quick, jabbing the same spot with intensity as he heard his lover moan his name and buck up into Son. Sho _also_ managed to lean forward, taking the dark-haired male's member into his mouth. This carried on for a while, the sounds escalating as each neared his climax. Son was first, spilling his seed into Sho's mouth, who eagerly swallowed it, save for the small trickle down his chin. Son leaned down, licking his cum from the other male's chin before thrusting his tongue into that willing mouth. Sho trembled as Son's hands explored his body, nails briefly digging into his back before moving to the front and tweaking his nipples. This sent Sho over the edge, who came, filling Kei with his hot white fluid. Kei followed shortly after, letting Son experience the flood of semen fill him.

Son climbed off the vampire's withering length, curling up in his arms. Sho collapsed onto his lover's chest, one hand tangling in Son's dark locks. The three men stayed tangled in each other's hold, panting and sweating lightly. Son chuckled softly, burying his face in the crook of the blonde's neck. He lay there watching as the other two slowly drifted off to sleep. Untangling himself from their arms, he quietly padded from the room to the bathroom. The dark-haired male showred briefly, cleaning up the aftermath of hot sweaty sex before hopping out, drying off and getting dressed. A mischievous smirk overtook his usually honest features as he stepped outside, catching the keys being tossed at him with ease.

"I _told _you I could get Sho to let me have sex with Kei." He said matter-of-factly, grinning as Toshi joined him in walking towards the car.

"I didn't know you were _that_ _good_ at acting, Son." Toshi pouted.

"Yeah yeah, and you owe me _how much?_"

"Ah, shut it, Son."

"By the way, you lost, so _you're_ buying drinks tonight." Son called out as he got in the car, laughing at Toshi's rant of _that_ being unfair and not even a part of the deal.

(Maybe include) Toshi and Son got _unbelievably_ drunk, waking up in bed together the next morning, _thoroughly_ horrified and _not _recalling what they'd done. They met up with Sho and Kei that evening for a job, each walking a little uncomfortably like they'd had something unpleasant shoved up their asses the night before. Yi-Che sat at home, wondering _where _her baguettes had gotten to. And Sho and Kei approached Son, asking him a very serious question.

"Why does it seem like you and Toshi got drunk and ended up doing some less-than-mentionable things in the night?"


End file.
